By Heather Riggleman, Crosswalk.com
All the fixings of a pasta dinner were nearly ready when my phone chirped at me again. It was Chris, he texted me how he really felt a work meeting long after the workday was over.
Stressed, he sent me the head explosion emoji. I smiled, texted back, “No worries babe. I’ll keep supper warm for you.”
“So glad I have you,” he texted back. Over the next hour, he would text compliments in between complaints about the work meeting. Later when he walked in the door, his face lit up when he saw me and supper waiting.
“How did I find such a good wife?” he commented while he added Buitoni to his plate.
I wasn’t always an accommodating wife. But over the years, my heart has softened towards Chris and the pressures of his job. We’ve come full circle and the journey wouldn’t be complete without each other.
I learned over the years of restoring our house that marriage is much like the construction of a home. The way I support him is what carpenters call sister joists.
In the early phases of restoring our home, we found one of the main joists was carrying more than its fair share of the load. The previous owners wanted an open concept for the living room and dining room, but they didn’t reinforce the joist properly and it was in dire need of a sister joist.
Joists in the structure of a home are designed to carry a certain load and sometimes sister joists are added to help the main joist become more structurally sound. Sometimes these joists are added when a new load will be heavier than the previous design. Finding a good wife is like adding a sister joist.
Where Does this Phrase Appear in the Bible?
This phrase comes from Proverbs 18:22. It says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord” (NKJV).
A man cannot attain anything better than a good wife. “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels” (Proverbs 31:10). Such a good wife is hard to find.
The word excellent (hayil) can mean “strength, capability, valor, or dignity.” This woman exemplifies each of these qualities, having great competence, noble character, and a strong commitment to God and her family.
Only the Lord can provide such an excellent woman. This good woman is a priceless gift from God.
So, what is a good wife? The Bible says a wife is a help-meet, a partner, a virtuous woman with the grace of God upon her. She is her husband’s crown jewel, his lover, his confidant, the mother of his children and so many more things.
Let’s celebrate 3 reasons why when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing!
1. She Supports You
One of the best things about being in a marriage is knowing your partner has your back through the ups and downs life will inevitably bring. When it comes to having a wife, men have said there is nothing better than the knowledge and the trust that comes when they know their wives support them.
God didn’t create Eve to be under Adam’s feet or to be inferior to him. When the design of marriage became a construction zone, God saw it fit to create a sister joist. Eve was designed and built to support Adam. This was the construction and structure of the first marriage.
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him’ ” (Gen. 2:18). The word helper means one who aids another. Thus the woman was created because the man needed help from someone that could aid him in his responsibilities.
This same word helper is used in reference to the Lord Himself. David said concerning God: “The helpless commits himself to You; You are the helper of the fatherless” (Ps. 10:14). Jesus also called the Holy Spirit our Helper who would be sent to aid us in our service to the Father (John 14:16).
Take note, that Eve was created to be comparable to Adam. The word comparable means one who is a counterpart or the matching mate of the other.
A house is just a house until the use of your talents, soul, personality and nurturing make it a home. It’s been said, a wife is the heart of the home. That’s because wives see her husband's and children's and meets them.
Wives have the ability to add warmth in the day to day routine. Wives, more than anyone or anything, have the greatest impact to the future on their husband, children and home. Their development, character, and destiny are in her hands because a wife is there to support her man.
A wife is there to support her man when work is demanding. A wife is there to support her man when he faces challenging situations. To remind him of his abilities and talents. To remind him of who he is as a man of God.
A wife is there to support her man to give him the ability to accomplish more. To turn his recklessness into boldness. To replace his insecurity with confidence.
How amazing it is to have a godly woman who is there to support you.
2. Her Body Speaks Peace to You
When a man looks forward to going home, it’s because his wife has become his home. Her words, her tone, her smile, and her knowledge of who he is, speaks peace to her husband.
Paul reminds us, “In the same way, their wives are to be women worthy of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything" (1 Timothy 3:11). In other words, this is a woman who is not overly proud, knows when to speak and when to be silent, and is able to take her place beside her husband in confidence.
Peace is the result of trust. It’s the calm assurance that comes from knowing your partner can be counted on.
It allows your spouse to feel safe, it deepens his love and causes friendship, emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy to blossom. Her body speaks peace because she embraces him with open arms, her lips are filled with laughter, and her words are filled with peace.
When trust is lacking in a marriage, suspicion and fear begin to dominate causing the relationship to feel very insecure. He doesn’t need to worry about nagging, cold shoulders, a cold bed and withering looks.
One of the Old Testament words for trust (batach) has a meaning of “confidence that causes one to care-less.” Your man trusts you because you are his support, his security, his place of safety. When he is around you, he can let his guard down. He knows he is accepted and loved.
3. She Meets Your Desires
A good wife meets her husband's desires.
Your thoughts may have drifted to the bedroom, and while this is a big part of a healthy marriage—we’re talking about all of his desires from his wife:
His desire to be respected.
His desire for her loyalty.
His desire for her to nurture his children.
His desire for her to take care of her health and appearance.
His desire for her to let him lead.
His desire for her to be happy with all that he provides.
His desire for recreational companionship with her.
Proverbs 31:10-11 reminds us: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
Husbands looks to his wife to meet the desires of his heart. He can get respect from his workplace, he can get companionship from his friends, he can admire other women, but he wants and needs these things from her—his wife.
Women, you truly are your man’s treasure. You are the good thing is his life. You are valuable to him.
When he finds you as a wife he obtains favor from the Lord. You are his blessing. You are the love of his life.
Continue to be a good thing in his life: woo him, love him, smile often. Be his help-meet, be his cheerleader and brag about him often. Be his sister joist. Be the good thing.
Heather Riggleman calls Nebraska home (Hey, it’s not for everyone) with her three kids and husband of 20 years. She writes to bring bold truths to marriage, career, mental health, faith, relationships, celebration and heartache. Heather is an author and a former national award-winning journalist. Her work has also been featured on Proverbs 31 Ministries, MOPS, Today's Christian Woman and Focus On the Family. You can find her at heatherriggleman.com or connect with her on Instagram.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Kyle Bearden
Heather Riggleman calls Nebraska home (Hey, it’s not for everyone) with her three kids and husband of 20 years. She writes to bring bold truths to marriage, career, mental health, faith, relationships, celebration and heartache. She is the co-host of the Moms Together Podcast and is a former national award-winning journalist. She is author of Mama Needs a Time Out and Let’s Talk About Prayer. Her work has been featured on Proverbs 31 Ministries, MOPS, Today's Christian Woman and Focus On the Family. You can find her at www.heatherriggleman.com.