By Liz Lampkin, Crosswalk.com
Living single in a world that encourages otherwise isn’t easy. There are many rules that have been created to live by.
There is so much advice given, and there are many lies that have been told single women about who they are, how they should date and how to live. While the rules of the world often plague the thoughts of single women, they often tell a distorted narrative of what it really means to be a single woman.
Below is a list of 6 truths every single Christian woman should know and understand in order to enjoy the life of freedom and purpose God intended.
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1. Being Single Is a Gift
Many single women go through life so concentrated on marriage they fail to focus on being single.
The world defines this season as desolate and desperate. Its point of view is a misrepresentation of the true meaning of the word. The Bible defines it as the time in your life where you focus on establishing a profound relationship with God.
It’s the time where you should hone in on your spiritual gifts and begin working to build God's Kingdom. 1 Corinthians 7:32 reminds us that one advantage of being single is that unmarried Christians have more time to focus on God's work. They don't have to be concerned with caring for a husband or meeting his needs.
Last, it's the season where you learn who you are as a woman of God. You can discover and develop new habits, understand what you like and what you deserve in all relationships. Living single is not a time to walk in melancholy. Rather it’s a time to understand and celebrate all of who God created you to be as an individual.
2. Being Single Is a Relationship Status
How do you define yourself? When you think about who you are, what are some words that come to mind?
Hopefully, the words “a woman-child of God” come first. More often than not, women define themselves by their relationship status. This must stop! Don’t think of yourself only as an unmarried woman.
God created you, therefore you’re more than a single woman. You have a distinct purpose in life. If you are unsure who you are, take a look at the list below as a reminder:
1. Ephesians 2:10 tells you that you are God's handiwork. He created you in His image. You are perfect as the individual you were made to be.
2. Psalm 139: 14 says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. When God created you, He designed you with the uttermost respect for your existence. You are unique and set apart. You are different and should conduct yourself as such.
3. 1 Peter 3:3-4 reminds you of your internal beauty. You possess inner beauty. Your quiet yet fearless spirit, humble attitude and godly character set you apart from any other woman. Always remember that your relationship status does not define the person you are. It is a season of life God designed filled with Divine purpose.
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3. Marriage Is Not Your Purpose
Believe it or not, you were not created to be married. Upon the moment of conversion, you were gifted, spiritually.
Your gifts were given to you by God to complete work in His Kingdom. If you don’t know what your spiritual gifts are, find out and get to work! You’ll discover when your mind, body, and spirit are engulfed in purposeful tasks you’ll be fulfilled in unimaginable ways.
Not only will you be fulfilled, but you’ll also bless someone in the process. So many singles believe their life has no value if they don’t marry. This is an outright lie. God has wonderful plans for your life no matter what your relationship status is.
All you have to do is turn your focus to Him and allow His will for your life to manifest. Only then will you begin to understand and walk in your purpose.
4. Dating Isn’t Biblical
Yep, you read it correctly. Dating isn’t biblical. Dating is the process where individuals, heterosexual or homosexual, engage in relationships with multiple people seeking short or long-term companionship.
Christians are to engage in Christian courtships where a man and a woman get to know each other to develop an intimate relationship that will lead to marriage. In Christian courtships, a man actively pursues or “woos” one woman while keeping biblical standards in mind. The art of Christian courtships has faded and dating has taken over.
This is simply because many Christians aren’t taught about courtships. It’s high time for the art if courting to return in order for the narrative of Christian relationships to change and uphold biblical standards.
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5. Being Single Does Not Equal Loneliness
Loneliness can be defined in a number of different ways: having no friends, intentional isolation, a feeling of disconnectedness, social isolation, devoid of human contact. People are often led to believe that singles are lonely.
Contrary to popular belief, many unmarried people are just the opposite. Lots of singles have intentionally decided not to marry or have intimate relationships for a number of reasons. They enjoy their own company, they don’t want the responsibility of marriage, or they’re healing from a past relationship.
If you grapple with loneliness take a look at the list below for a few reminders and tips on how to handle these feelings:
1. As a child of God, you are never alone. God is always with you. He knows when feelings of loneliness come upon you. He will always meet your needs if you cry out to Him.
2. Many people who are in relationships or have active social lives are lonelier than someone who appear not to be as socially active. Just because someone seemingly has an active social life doesn’t mean they’ve made meaningful connections that fulfill their lives. A person can be surrounded with tons of people yet simultaneously feel alone.
3. If you feel you are alone, pray and ask God to help you discover the root of your loneliness. Once this is revealed to you, accept it and pray for guidance on how to move beyond it.
Feelings of loneliness are very real and must be acknowledged. However, having an intimate relationship may not be the resolution for it. If you’re suffering from loneliness take some time to discover why and begin the healing process for yourself.
6. Your Sexual Desires Are Natural
Sex was created by God. God placed those desires in us. He’s also given us the choice to remain sexually and morally pure. Acknowledging these desires will help you sustain. However, ignoring or suppressing them will pique curiosity and make abstaining difficult.
The subject of sex is often a forbidden topic in the church unless it’s discussed among married couples. For those who aren’t married, the advice given is to simply wait to engage in sex until you’re married. In the meantime, how does an unmarried Christian handle their very real desires for sex? Here’s how:
1. Acknowledge and become comfortable with your desires. Many Christians are uncomfortable with the idea of having sexual desires. This is simply because the world has distorted and misused the beauty of sexual intimacy. These desires are nothing to be ashamed of. Become comfortable with each sexual desire you have and discover why they exist in you.
2. Pray and ask God to help you understand why those desires exist. Typically, sexual desires come about when one feels lonely or vulnerable. Getting to the heart of why you desire sex will help you handle those desires the tight way.
3. Pray and ask God to help you control your desires, not remove them. Again, God placed these desires in you so it’s natural for them to exist. After you’ve prayed for guidance on how to control them follow the directions that have been given to you. This will avoid many spiritual and emotional pitfalls for you in the long run.
Being, living as a single Christian woman is a thing of beauty. If you are struggling during this current season in your life, take some time to pray and reflect on why you struggle. God did not intend for this time in your life to be filled with lies about who are.
Always remember whose you are and who you are. Whether you are single or married, you are a child of the Most-High God and who has purpose according to His will for your life.
And that’s truth we must all continue to walk in.
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