Trusting God When Your Child Is Making Hard Choices

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Parenting requires a profound level of surrender. We pour our hearts into raising our children, yet we cannot control the paths they ultimately choose. When we watch our children make destructive choices, a specific kind of panic sets in.

As researcher Brené Brown so wisely points out in her book Daring Greatly, our deepest vulnerability can easily twist into foreboding fear. When we are terrified for the people we love the most, our minds script worst-case scenarios. We become paralyzed by the fear that fills us. We doubt that any good can come from the mess. 

The truth is, it’s incredibly hard to hope for the future when we cannot see beyond the next five minutes. We want everything fixed as soon as possible, yet we are forced to realize how little control we actually hold.

I’ve been to this place many times. I pray to God, “Please, do something. Please show up in this child’s life.” It’s a good prayer. Yet, in those times of total helplessness, I’m also reminded that a visit from the Lord doesn’t mean that suddenly everything will flip and turn out good at a moment’s notice.

Instead, a visit from the Lord is more like a soft wind than a spectacle. It’s a time when our doubts become shrouded with a thin veil of hope, when we dare to trust that God can make a way in our child’s life when we cannot see one.

As we see through the people we meet in God’s Word, hardship may continue to be part of a wayward child’s story, even with a parent’s fervent prayers. When we read about the men and women of the Bible and their flaws, we may discover that prayers take longer to be answered than they hoped for.

Still, trusting God is believing that He will be with us no matter what comes. Also, when the whisper of surrender is finally released from our child’s lips, God will not bring out good only for a family, but also for a neighborhood, community, or the world.

Considering Samson’s Mother

Think of Samson’s mother. The angel of the Lord met her in Judges 13 and promised her something she desperately longed for: a child. God showed Himself to this couple. As they offered a burnt offering, “the flames from the altar shot up toward the sky, and the angel of the Lord ascended in the fire” (Judges 13:20).

Samson’s parents grew up in a time when their nation had always been oppressed by the Philistines. They lived in a hostile world. Samson’s mother’s name is not even given. Instead, she is referred to as Manoah’s wife. Not only did she live in a hostile world, but she was unable to have children. How many tears had she cried over this? Yet the angel of the Lord appeared to her and gave her a promise that she would become pregnant. What joy! 

At the time this woman dared to hope for a baby in her arms, God had a transformation in mind for His chosen people. The angel of the Lord appointed this child to be a Nazirite from birth. I imagine that, in addition to her own hope, this woman hoped for freedom for her people. The first thing she does is tell her husband. She believed this, and she wanted her husband to believe it.

Manoah prayed to the Lord, saying, “Lord, please let the man of God come back to us again and give us more instructions about this son who is to be born” (Judges 13:8). God answered this prayer. My heart flips at the thought of this couple and their total faith. So Manoah asked him, “When your words come true, what kind of rules should govern the boy’s life and work?” (Judges 13:12).

The angel of the Lord repeated what he’d previously told Manoah’s wife. The angel of the Lord also stayed, just to be with them, when Manoah asked. The angel refused a meal but then suggested they prepare a burnt offering as a sacrifice to the Lord. 

When the angel of the Lord came, this couple welcomed Him and discovered they’d met with God. This couple had also believed. And they’d witnessed miracles. As the years passed and Samson grew, God’s Word says that the Lord blessed their son. More than that, the Spirit of the Lord began to stir him. What more could these faithful parents hope for?

I imagine this couple never forgot this moment, yet I am certain they were filled with anguish at their son’s  wrong choices when he grew up. Did they ever question whether they had done something wrong that caused their son to go wayward? I’m sure they did.

Samson’s “wayward path” started when a young Philistine woman caught his eye. Remember, the Philistines had oppressed the Israelites for decades. Manoah and his wife wanted their son to make good choices and choose an Israelite bride. But Samson told his father, “Get her for me! She looks good to me.” His father and mother did not realize that the Lord was at work in this, creating an opportunity to oppose the Philistines, who ruled over Israel at that time (Judges 14:3-4).

Did God cause Samson to sin? No. Yet God knew Samson’s weaknesses. God knows all of us are sinners. Even when it was clear that Samson was going to do what he wanted, God had a plan to bring all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

In the New Testament, we are promised that “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6). But they lived centuries before those words were penned. 

It was only after their son had fallen to his lowest low that it became clear that God DID have a great plan for His people. God used Samson to destroy their oppressors, but that didn’t come until the end of Samson’s life.

They no doubt questioned if their answered prayer of having a son was a blessing or a curse. And it’s not as if they did anything wrong. Yet, what they’d hoped would be a smooth road turned rocky. In the middle ground between God’s promises, this couple faced heartbreak and hardship. And don’t we too?

When God Brings Good Fruit Out of Bad Choices

This makes me think of my own teen years. Looking for love in all the wrong places, I sought out guys’ attention and got pregnant twice in high school. Sadly, I chose abortion for my first pregnancy. With my second pregnancy, I had a son. God knew I would make wrong choices, yet He also knew He could bring things around to good. 

It was with that second pregnancy that I dedicated myself to God. It was from the pain I felt from the abortion and the lack of help I had to become a teen parent that I helped start a crisis pregnancy center and a teen mom support group decades later.

Even now, Hope Pregnancy Center in Kalispell, Montana, thrives. Even now, I have close relationships with some of the teen moms I mentored twenty-five years ago. This gives me hope for my own children when they make wrong choices today. God knows. God can bring all things around for good. God can use them in ways I cannot imagine. The Spirit of the Lord on our children can change anything.

As the beloved author Corrie ten Boom once wrote, “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”

We serve a known God. We can rest in this unwavering truth:

"But you, O Lord, will sit on your throne forever. Your fame will endure to every generation" (Psalm 102:12).

Here are some ways we can actively pray for ourselves and our children during these difficult seasons of choices.

10 Scripture Prayers for Ourselves to Have Hope

1. Romans 15:13: Lord, fill me with all joy and peace as I trust in You, so that I may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
2. Psalm 42:5: Father, when my soul is downcast and disturbed within me, help me to put my hope in You and praise You as my Savior and my God.
3. Isaiah 40:31: Lord, as I hope in You, renew my strength. Let me soar on wings like eagles, let me run and not grow weary, let me walk and not be faint.
4. Lamentations 3:21-24: God, call to my mind Your great love and compassion. Remind me that Your mercies are new every morning, and therefore I will dare to hope.
5. Hebrews 10:23: Give me the endurance to hold unswervingly to the hope I profess, for I know that You who promised are faithful.
6. Psalm 33:20-22: Lord, I wait in hope for You. You are my help and my shield. May Your unfailing love rest upon me as I put my hope in You.
7. Romans 5:3-5: Father, help me to glory in my sufferings, knowing that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope. Let this hope not put me to shame.
8. Psalm 119:114: Lord, You are my refuge and my shield. I have put my hope in Your word.
9. Psalm 25:3: Assure my heart, God, that no one who hopes in You will ever be put to shame.
10. Jeremiah 29:11: Father, remind me daily that You have plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future.

10 Scripture Prayers for Our Children Who Are Making Bad Choices

1. Philippians 1:6: Lord, I pray that You, who began a good work in my child, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.
2. Ezekiel 36:26: Father, give my child a new heart and put a new spirit within them. Remove their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.
3. Luke 15:17: God, just as the prodigal son came to his senses, I pray You would bring my child to a place of realization and turn their heart back home to You.
4. Psalm 139:23-24: Search my child, O God, and know their heart. Test them and know their anxious thoughts. Point out anything in them that offends You, and lead them along the path of everlasting life.
5. Proverbs 3:5-6: Lord, teach my child to trust in You with all their heart and lean not on their own understanding. In all their ways, may they acknowledge You, so You can make their paths straight.
6. 2 Timothy 2:25-26: Father, gently instruct my child so that You will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the enemy.
7. Colossians 1:9-10: God, fill my child with the knowledge of Your will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that they may live a life worthy of You.
8. Psalm 25:4-5: Show my child Your ways, Lord, and teach them Your paths. Guide them in Your truth.
9. Romans 8:28: Lord, I ask that You would take the broken pieces of my child’s bad choices and miraculously work them together for good, according to Your glorious purpose.
10. Psalm 91:11: Father, command Your angels concerning my child, to guard them in all their ways, even when they wander off the designated path.

5 Practical Ways to Trust God With Our Children’s Choices

• Surrender daily in prayer: We cannot change our children’s hearts, but we have direct access to the God who can. Make a habit of verbally handing your child over to God each morning.
• Reflect on His past faithfulness: Look back on your life and remember the times God rescued you from your missteps. Let His past grace fuel your present trust.
• Stay anchored in the Word: When fear threatens to take over, combat those anxious thoughts with the truth of Scripture. Fill your mind with His promises rather than your worries.
• Embrace community: Do not carry this burden alone. Seek out trusted, faith-filled friends who will intercede for your family and remind you of God’s sovereignty when you forget.
• Focus on your own walk: Often, the best thing we can do for a wandering child is to keep our own spiritual foundation strong. Model a life of steadfast faith and quiet trust in the Lord.

5 Practical Ways to Love Our Kids Even When We Desire Different Choices

• Separate their worth from their actions: Remind them often that your love for them is unconditional. They need to know they are loved for who they are, not just for how well they perform or behave.
• Keep the door of communication open: Resist the urge to give the silent treatment or push them away in anger. Make sure they know they can always call you, no matter how deep of a mess they are in.
• Listen more than you lecture: When they do share their thoughts, strive to understand their perspective. Offering a listening ear builds a relationship bridge much faster than a sermon does.
• Establish healthy boundaries: Loving someone unconditionally does not mean enabling destructive behavior. Set firm, clear boundaries to protect your home and your peace, and communicate them with grace.
• Celebrate the small steps: Look for the good and praise it. Whether it is a small moment of honesty or a brief conflict-free conversation, celebrate those victories and build on them.

A Note from Our Sponsor: Colorado Christian University

Sending our kids out into the world is one of the hardest acts of trust we face as parents. We spend years praying over them, guiding them, and hoping they make choices that honor the Lord. When it comes time for them to take that next big step toward college, that surrender feels even heavier. We desperately want our children to step into a community that nurtures their faith rather than tears it down.

That is exactly why I am so grateful for Colorado Christian University.

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Trusting an unknown future to a known God is a daily surrender. Partnering with a university that shares your family’s core convictions makes that transition just a little bit easier.

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Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York: Gotham Books, 2012.  

ten Boom, Corrie. Clippings from My Notebook. Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982.