New Life LIVE: September 16, 2026

Brian Perez: Welcome to New Life LIVE. I'm your host, Brian Perez, and we're going to be in the studio for two hours today. Start calling now and we'll take your questions on grief, depression, and so much more that we can talk about—anxiety, addiction. We've even got a webinar going on tomorrow night that we'll tell you a little bit about in just a little bit. Licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Jackie McHarris will be answering your questions, as will licensed professional clinical counselor Becky Brown, who is also the president of New Life Ministries. Becky, you probably have something on your mind to start us off, don't you?
Becky Brown: Always. There's one thing, Brian, that you may not know about me, but I love quotes. I love all kinds of short little statements that really cause you to think. Like a couple of them that I love: "The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing," or "Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes." Another one that we've heard many times, and I repeat this, is "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." It's originally attributed to Plato, but we really don't know if he said it. I just think that there's a lot of truth to that. We rarely know what anyone else is carrying, and we will judge people just by their reactions. We might say that the person is impatient, but they may be feeling overwhelmed. Or we may have a friend who seems distant, but they might be hurting and we need to reach out to them. It's common that people that we meet are facing things that we don't have any idea of. Chuck Swindoll once said, "Don't judge because you can't possibly know the whole story." I think about this in the work that we do here. I was thinking back on Monday's show where we had a caller in the first hour that was talking about family victimization and the secret that had been kept. Then the next hour, we had a call from a man for whom that had been his experience. He had been a victim, and it was the first time he was telling anyone. But it was because somebody else shared their story. Galatians 6:2 says, "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." It doesn't say we have to fix everyone, and we have to be careful not to take that bait of trying to make it right, because some things we just carry. But we can help each other carry them. Sometimes that just means listening or saying something like, "You don't have to go through this alone." The thing that I love the most is that as Christians, we can have hope. One of our fabulous co-workers here just retired a couple of weeks ago, and he said as he left, "10,000 years from now, let's meet at the corner of Glory and Hallelujah and catch up on all that the Lord did in our lives." I love that. It's just a reminder that whatever you're facing today, it may be a lot. It may be more than you ever thought that you're going to have to deal with in life, but I want to say to you, don't give up hope. We are here to take your calls, to answer the questions, to explore what the options are. As believers, we have to help each other focus on the fact that God is doing a work even though we cannot see it in the moment. As we lift each other up, we can encourage each other even as the day is coming. In eternity, there will be no more tears, there will be no more death, no more mourning. He also says, "Look, I am doing something new." That's what we're here about at New Life. We want to help you with your new life. Don't give up hope and speak the truth, even if your voice shakes. It might shake when you call us, right, Brian?
Brian Perez: Yes, we get that often. Sometimes our voices start to shake as the co-hosts because we hear these stories and we're so touched by them. We remember to keep you in our prayers, and everybody watching and listening prays for you as well. So call in. We're going to be here for two hours today at 1-800-229-3000. We're also live streaming on Facebook and YouTube, so we'd love to hear from you today. One thing we always talk to you about here on New Life LIVE, and it's because you guys call in with your questions about where you are in your marriage, is an intensive that we do. It's a weekend workshop called Intimacy and Marriage. We've got one more planned for this year. It starts in less than 10 days. We have helped thousands of couples restore the intimacy that God intended for marriage, and yours could be next. Get all the details at NewLife.com or call us at 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Let's go to the phones now. Here is Donna from Dallas, who listens to us on KWRD. Thank you, Donna, for calling 1-800-229-3000.
Donna: Thank you for taking my call. I appreciate it. I just need some well-rounded advice on how to deal with my mom and my sister. They both live in the same house. My mom fell a few years ago and broke her femur, and she's had trouble with her leg. She's made no attempt to get up and move very much. She has commented that she's content sitting in her chair looking out the window. I talk to her about twice a day, in the morning and then in the evening. Her worry, because she's doing nothing, is excessive. I'm 58 years old and sometimes she talks to me like I'm a little kid, like I don't know how to take care of things. I've gotten to the point where when I talk to her, I just get irritated because of her worry, her excessive worry. My two boys are living with me for now, even though they're adults, and she's like, "Well, I'm glad they're there." I'm like, "No, they need to get their own life and I'd be okay by myself." She worries about that. "I don't like you being alone." I'm like, "I'm okay." It just gets to me, and I know my irritation comes out in my voice and I really don't like that. My mom's a little bit older. She's in Alabama, I'm in Oklahoma.
Dr. Jackie McHarris: Donna, your question is how do you navigate this with your mom?
Donna: Yes, because everything I've tried, I've exhausted. I don't know if there's anything else. I try to remind her that your worry is not going to change anything. If anything happens, it's going to happen. You can't do anything about it by worrying. It comes up in every conversation we have. I know I can't stop her, but how to handle it myself so I don't sound so irritated and short with her? I'm the baby of the family. I've been out of my home since I got married. I was married to military, so I've lived all over the place. I lived with her for a year when I came back to the states in 2010 and then I moved away. I don't know if it's just because she's getting older and she feels she's got to—I don't know why.
Dr. Jackie McHarris: She's just doing what moms do. I think that this is more about you and how you're responding to it. She's concerned about you living alone, and that might be because she wouldn't want to live alone. What if you just got curious instead of feeling criticized? It almost seems like you are feeling like you're being criticized, so you have to defend yourself because there's some part of you that seems to believe that she doesn't think you're capable. She doesn't think you're going to be okay on your own. That's okay, she doesn't have to believe it. You are taking care of yourself. You are okay on your own, so there's nothing to get frustrated about. She's sharing her concern, and her concern is coming from her own concern. She does not want to be left alone. Think about when someone says something to you and you think, "Oh, I would never say that to them" or "I would never do that." We think about how it would work in our worldview first. That's how we often process information. I imagine your mom is thinking, "I wouldn't want to be left alone out there away from all of my family and everything." That's what she is sharing with you. So rather than get upset, just talk to her about that. "Mom, have you ever lived alone? What was that like for you?" Just shift it so that you turn it back around on her, so that you don't feel like she is coming down on you. You don't have to keep explaining to her that you're safe. You just live your life and be safe. But when you're talking with her, that's her trying to share her concern about you. Now the conversation just seems like you're a teenager and she's mom telling you you can't go out, it's dangerous. So you're going to need to shift it so that the conversation becomes about other things, because you guys sound like you're stuck in this pattern of having the same conversation over and over again.
Brian Perez: Twice a day.
Donna: Yeah, and it's twice a day. I was kind of getting to the point of cutting it back to talking to her one time a day. If she calls and I can't answer the phone—
Becky Brown: Donna, here's the thing. I opened the show with my favorite quotes. One of my other ones is: "If it's not one thing, it's your mother." But you guys have settled into this as your relationship. Mom calls twice a day, this is your conversation. Like Jackie's saying, you have the power to shift this. Another favorite saying—I promise I won't keep doing this for the rest of the time I'm on the radio today—but be curious, not furious. You can ask about that. But I want to address the fact that she had this broken femur and has been stuck. There are so many questions that I have about that because when we have physical ailments, whether it is chronic pain or a chronic disease, it impacts the way that we experience the world. In her routine of worrying about you, it's coming from her own insecurity or whatever her story is, like Jackie is saying. But you have power here, Donna, where you can avoid asking the questions. Here's an example: when my grandchildren were little, I caught myself that every question I would ask my daughter would be like, "Well, how'd they sleep last night?" Then I'd hear how they slept. At some point, I didn't want to hear that anymore, but I was the one asking the question. Monitor what you are asking, and even if she comes up with the same answer, it's an opportunity for you to get curious. "Mom, where did that question come from? What are you thinking would be happening?" Like Jackie said.
Brian Perez: It's almost like playing a game of Jeopardy. You already know what the answer's going to be, so maybe ask it a different way so that you can get a different reaction.
Dr. Jackie McHarris: Try to redirect and bring her into a different conversation. She's sitting in her chair, that feels safe. She doesn't want to do more. She's probably fearful. I used to be a part of a coalition called Down with Falls Coalition in Orange County in California, and we would try to come up with ways to help seniors be safe because falls can change lives so drastically. This fall changed her life drastically. Breaking the femur, that's a huge injury, and her recovery has left her more sedentary probably than before. She's just being really cautious and then she wants that for you as well, Donna. But you get to redirect her and encourage her. She's chosen her safe site for sitting in. Great, support that, encourage that, and then share the exciting things you're doing in your life or the ways in which you're bringing peace into your life. She loves that your sons are there because she's fearful, but she's probably been fearful for you—you're the baby of the family, you married military, I'm sure you went away wherever they were deployed and stationed. She's been doing this your whole life, so cut her a little slack and just stay curious.
Brian Perez: Donna, thanks for calling in today to New Life LIVE at 1-800-229-3000. Let's now go to Mobile, Alabama, where Suzanne listens to us on WBY. Welcome to New Life LIVE, Suzanne. Thanks for calling 1-800-229-3000.
Suzanne: Hi. We have a family situation that we've never had before. My brother and I are both almost 70, and our mom is living and she's not in very good health and she's 88 years old. My brother and his wife have stopped speaking to her and have stopped including her in group texts, which she was accustomed to being in on, things about other family members and their health issues and things. Recently we were at a family birthday party and neither one of my brother or his wife spoke to my mom, and she's very, very heartbroken over it. She doesn't know—I mean, there was an incident, but she didn't do anything wrong, so she doesn't know why they're so angry and why they're not speaking to her. It's breaking her heart. It's been three and a half weeks and I'm not sure if my husband and I—we're on the same page, my husband and I—but we're not sure if we should intervene or not, or at what point should we do that.
Dr. Jackie McHarris: So no one knows why they're not speaking to her?
Suzanne: Well, we know what happened and what caused the issue, but it was a phone call that my mother asked a couple of questions and they did not want to be questioned. She didn't ask the main question, she just sort of wanted to know that everything was okay, so she asked a couple of outlying questions and the sister-in-law got angry that she had so many questions and said, "I knew this was going to happen," and she hung up on her. Then my brother, a few days later, called my mother and let her have it for telling her things like, "this is none of your business," although the phone call was about a request for prayer on a matter.
Dr. Jackie McHarris: They were calling her to request prayer?
Suzanne: Exactly.
Dr. Jackie McHarris: So they called her to request prayer, she asked some clarifying questions, and they got angry. In the family, is there—you have this group text in which we're sharing information—is there a lot of that? Is mom typically very involved in all your lives?
Suzanne: Absolutely, yes.
Becky Brown: And has there been complaints about that in the past, about how involved the family is in each other's lives?
Suzanne: No, no complaints, but I have noticed over the years that this sister-in-law, if you ask a question—I mean it can be a perfectly innocent question—if she doesn't want to answer it, she'll just change the subject or act like you didn't even ask a question.
Dr. Jackie McHarris: We're going to come back and talk a little bit about what a perfectly innocent question might be, because it might be perfectly innocent to you—"What time is your dentist appointment?"—but to her, that might have a completely different connotation.
Brian Perez: Suzanne, don't hang up. We've got to take our break as Jackie said, but we will come back and speak with you and everyone else who wants to talk to Dr. Jackie McHarris and Becky Brown. We're going to be here for two hours.
Suzanne: Are you still with us?
Suzanne: I am.
Dr. Jackie McHarris: Suzanne, I was saying it may seem like a simple nothing question, but it depends on how people make meaning inside. We don't know what's going on inside. We don't know what questions meant in her childhood. Oftentimes, I work with people who, if you ask them a question, they don't see that as a clarifying question; you're trying to understand them. They see that as you don't understand them and you're saying that they're not making sense or you don't trust them. So you're like, "Well, what time is your dentist appointment?" It seems like a nothing question, but they are making meaning on their end and you don't know what that's about. Something goes on when she is asked questions, and it sounds like we've never really explored what the meaning of that is for her. We typically ask questions, we say, "Be curious, not furious," so we're going to ask questions. But when I have somebody in my life who, when I ask them questions, they feel offense, I then need to understand what that means to them so that I can shift.
Suzanne: I don't think you have a real good picture of what happened. She asked my mother, "Will you please pray for your son because he has an appointment tomorrow?" and she didn't say what kind of appointment. My mother said, "Okay, does he have to go out of town?" and the sister-in-law said, "No." My mother said, "Is it a conference call?" and she said, "No," and then I think on the third question, she said, "I knew you were going to have a hundred questions and I shouldn't have even brought it up." And my mother said, "Well, if you don't want me to ask any questions, you shouldn't say anything."
Dr. Jackie McHarris: That's what your mom said?
Suzanne: Yes, she didn't say, "Don't ask for prayer," she said, "Then don't say anything." And so then your sister-in-law said, "Cool, I will not say anything else to you forevermore." And she hung up. And then a few days later, my brother called and pretty much blessed my 88-year-old mother with a heart condition out. It's like she was baited. "I've got something I want you to pray about, but you can't ask any questions."
Becky Brown: But Suzanne, here's the thing. The reaction that the sister-in-law had then got reverberated over to her husband and then that went back over to mom. That's what Jackie's talking about. We don't know whatever the issue was with your brother, and I'm not giving them an excuse for behaving like that. But it's like what I said in the opening: we don't know what's going on inside of them. Who knows what the appointment was, and your mom was just genuinely caring for what is going on with her son. But the reactivity is what has to stop. My suggestion would be that mom reaches out to both of them with just, "I'm sorry that it turned out this way and I am praying for you and I look forward to the next time we can connect," or something very neutral. Jackie, does that sound like that would work?
Dr. Jackie McHarris: I doubt that it would work with them, but it does sound like what I would do. I don't know that it would work only because this is probably a pattern. The sister-in-law says, "I knew you were going to ask a hundred questions." So already there is some annoyance because they want to be able to share what they want to share and not have anyone ask for more. They said, "Can you pray for him? He has an appointment tomorrow." And then mom got curious. Mom then said, "What kind of appointment?" which was a reasonable question. I might have said, "What kind of appointment am I praying for? Am I praying about a job, am I praying about a doctor's visit, am I praying about a situation with the kids at school?" I would have been curious too. I agree with you that mom was not in the wrong in asking those questions, except for in that we know that there's something going on with this brother and sister-in-law that they don't like being questioned. So then when the sister-in-law said what she said, mom's snarky comeback was, "Well, then don't tell me anything." And that's what ticked them off. That was the catalyst for the brother calling back. "How dare you?" Now, I'm not saying how either of them behaved was okay or right, but they showed their feelings. Oftentimes we don't like it when people tell us that they're upset with us and they didn't like something we did. So he then reaches out to mom and he just lets her have it and he says whatever it is he said. Now mom is hurt because there's been this cutoff. She can certainly reach out and say, "Hey, I'm sorry it turned out this way. That was not my intent. I love you all and I look forward to us getting together," as Becky said. However, she also gets to not be bullied and abused by them. She gets to decide too if she wants to do that, because if that's how they're going to treat her when they're asking for something from her, then maybe she needs the space. Yes, she's 88 years old and has all that she has going on, but people are people and people feel how they feel and have the experiences that they have, and that is coming out on her. Whatever's going on in their life, they blew it through her and she gets to take a step back and say, "You know what? That's not okay. It's not okay to talk to me that way. So I'm maybe I'm going to pause," rather than trying to force this relationship to be mended right now. Although she's probably thinking, "You know what? I'm 88 years old. I don't want this to be the last thing that happens that I don't have a good relationship with my son." And on the other side, this couple is also feeling that, because even in their anger and even in their reactivity, they're like, "Did we go too far?" Suzanne, it may not seem like they're feeling that way, but I guarantee many of us have lost our cool and regretted it later. Suzanne, for calling today we want to send you a couple of tip sheets, so stay on the phone and we're also going to put this information in the show notes if you're watching us online. If you're watching or listening, you can call and request these. 1-800-NEW-LIFE is the number. The tip sheets are titled "How to Heal from Estrangement" and "10 Tips for Healing Broken Families." I think these two would be very helpful for Suzanne, don't you, Jackie?
Dr. Jackie McHarris: I agree. Yes, that's what I was thinking too. I think leave it to your mom to deal with her son, but also take the tip sheet and follow that advice. We pray that that helps the family heal.
Brian Perez: 1-800-229-3000 is the number to call us today. We've got another call to get to in just a little bit, but first, Becky, tell us about the Hope Together conference. You're going to be involved in this, it's just a couple of weeks away, October 1st through the 3rd in Texas. Who's this for?
Becky Brown: This is for anyone who is serving in ministry, and that means if you are licensed or not licensed or working in the local church or maybe you're a chaplain. I mean there are so many ways that we serve God through the church and in our communities. Hope Together brings together a lot of folks who know what they're talking about and are going to share about how you can have practical insight and steps forward to enhance your ministry, to grow your ministry, and to be inspired to do ministry. We want to be the hands and feet of Jesus in wherever we live and serve, and that's what we're going to do when we get together in just a few weeks.
Brian Perez: And if you can't make it out to Allen, Texas, you can also watch online at HopeTogether.com. That's also where you can register, and if you use the code NLM20, you'll get a 20% discount on registration. Again, that's HopeTogether.com happening October 1st through the 3rd. Back to the phones now. 1-800-229-3000 is our number and here is Ran in Flower Mound, Texas, listening on KCLE. Welcome, Ran, to New Life LIVE.
Ran: Hi, thanks. I was actually listening yesterday, I think it was the first time I've caught your show. I was very interested. I actually have never really called into a show before, but I was listening and I was wondering because my life has been pretty wild. It's only been the last five years that I've actually gotten back on track. I'm walking closely with the Lord, and some of the things that I have learned in this time that have been totally transformational is one, knowing how much God loves me through the Word, and then two, knowing who I am in Christ. These two things through scripture and just meditating and constantly sowing the Word and watering it and constantly having that renewing my mind, I'm literally a different person. My parents are even like—yeah. I'm a big fan of counseling. I went to counseling when I was 21 and I was a total mess. I did not know how to think for myself and I did not understand people. I went for three months. He was an art therapist, I'm an artist, and he literally—he just really made it real how to approach life and I was changed. In fact, he told me after three months, he said, "Unless there's anything else, you need to just go and apply everything," which I've never even heard of counselors doing that.
Becky Brown: Well, our goal is to work our way out of a job, and so that's the goal. Yes.
Ran: So for me, it's so powerful what I have been through and I've heard a lot of these calls on marriage and stuff, and even the last girl that called. What keeps coming to mind is, you know, it says in the Bible, "Seek ye first the kingdom and his righteousness and everything will be added to you." So I am just curious where all of this comes in and is applied as the power of God in His scripture. I feel like a lot of people could spend their wheels trying to do this horizontal effort type stuff, which some of it is very effective and truly works, but the power of God is our inheritance, it's our lifeline, and we are short-sighting ourselves if we're not going to tap into that. I just kind of want to know where y'all's thoughts are on this and how y'all apply it maybe.
Becky Brown: Well, Ran, we integrate everything with the Word of God. It's the foundation of everything that we do. So in the last caller, just to use that call for an example, the way that we approached it was how we would see that Christ would approach it. The human reaction would be to straighten it all out and we're going to fix this and we're going to let the brother and sister-in-law know what for. That's not our approach, even though there's a lot of people that would think that. It takes a lot of grace in order to manage our human relationships in a way that is God-honoring. For sure. What we do here is it is the integration of clinical expertise as well as foundational to the Word of God and the way that God is calling us to live our lives. And that's just a thumbnail sketch, Ran, but that's how we approach it.
Dr. Jackie McHarris: And I appreciate you sharing. What I'm hearing is it's in our identity in Christ that we find our power and our strength, and change happens in that. It's something I never was even told growing up. I was brought up, honestly, traditions of man led the churches that I went to. Which is the case in so many churches even right now. Traditions of man are what is running the church and not necessarily scripture. We hear people say, "Well, this is a Christian nation and we should follow Christian principles," but very often those principles were very pharisaic and reminiscent of the Sadducees, these laws and rules and commands that the traditions of the church have laid before people that they can't live up to. But if we can get people to read scripture, if we can get people to get into the Word on their own and really truly come to know who Jesus is for themselves, it is life-changing. I agree with everything you said, and that's the perspective that we are coming from, that it's the power of Christ. The reason I can sit here and answer questions is because I know the Holy Spirit resides within me and I'm calling on the Holy Spirit in these moments: "What do we say?" Sometimes we're praying in between the breaks for the right response and trusting the Holy Spirit to move through us to help us answer these questions. I hear you and I receive what you're saying, reminding people of the importance of their identity in Christ and how rewarding it is, how beneficial it is to read scripture for yourself and not just take what you're being fed from the pulpit and from your Bible studies, but really get in yourself and get to know God for yourself and watch Him change your life. Absolutely crucial element to the healing that the people who are calling need. Thank you for calling and for sharing your journey and just encouraging us to share Jesus.
Becky Brown: Well, and one of the things that we have talked about for almost 40 years here is that yes, I could give you a Bible verse for every single thing that you have going on in your life. And you may have some mental health issues, and you may struggle with relational issues, and you may have some historical wounds that have not been healed which are causing the problems. So what we have done through all the different parts of our ministry, not only just the radio program but our workshops and our groups, we believe in the power of connecting with other people because it's not just me and God. I know that kind of freaks people out when we say that, but it's true. He created us to be in relationship, and it's in those relationships that we have an opportunity to become more like Him, to serve God, and to be who He has called us and created us to be. We want that so much for every person that we interact with. We want them to experience their transformation into what Christ has for them.
Brian Perez: Everything we do is through the financial donations of the people who support this ministry. So thank you all for doing that. Ran, thank you so much for discovering us. You said you tuned in for the first time yesterday. We're glad you found us. You can go to our website, NewLife.com, to find out who we are, what we do, why we do what we do. It's very important. We've been doing this for almost 40 years now. Like Becky said, there's so many hurting people out there and we're here to help as many as we can. It's like our 99 for the 1 partner program that we have where we're rescuing that one, and we see those ones all the time. They call in, they check out our website. We'll be right back. Becky, I think you have a story to share about what God is doing in the lives of people who are part of our ministry. You mentioned it earlier, part of the program about our Intimacy and Marriage intensive that's coming up.
Becky Brown: Paula writes, "I chose to invest in the program Intimacy and Marriage because I love my husband. We've been married 23 years and I knew intimacy or the lack of it was one of our biggest issues. Just three days before the event, we were discussing separation. But during this weekend, we experienced a breakthrough. We learned new ways to communicate, understood our attachment styles, and discovered tools to strengthen our marriage. I'm leaving with a new outlook, deeper trust in what God can do, and hope for our marriage." I am telling you, listener, if you don't think we need to have more of that in the world today, you're not listening. New Life wants to intervene into the brokenness that people are experiencing in their marriages, in their lives, and New Life LIVE goes out all over the world. We want you to help us get the word out that God has a plan, there is hope, and New Life can help them. You never know who's listening. You don't know where they are in their life, but the hope that we have in the news that there is an opportunity to move forward in your life. Join 99 for the 1 or give a big gift today. In whatever way, just give to help the message of hope continue to go out.
Brian Perez: 99 for the 1 is our monthly partner program. Whatever amount you want to give, right now we've got 99 for the 1 welcome gifts including a 14-ounce coffee mug with a wooden coaster that you can put on top or the bottom. Don't forget the sheep magnet and sticker, and it's just our way of saying thank you for supporting what we do here at New Life. So again, that's at NewLife.com/99for1 to find out more, or you can call 1-800-NEW-LIFE or visit NewLife.com. Or you can just make a one-time gift; that's fine as well. We appreciate whatever you can do. 1-800-229-3000 is our number and we're going to be here for the rest of this hour and all of next, so keep calling in and don't hang up if you're on hold right now. Steve in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, who watches us on YouTube. Welcome to New Life LIVE.
Steve: Hello, how are you?
Brian Perez: Good, Steve. What's going on? How can we help you?
Steve: Just going through some tough times here and just need more information and support on how I should handle it. So my son and his wife, they've been battling with each other for the last year, year and a half, and they finally decided that—well, she decided that she wants a divorce. They have four kids, 7 through 18, so it's traumatic for them. That's the greatest concern with myself. My son is just—he owns a business, he's very busy, and life has become very, very difficult for him. I'm just trying to reach out and get some suggestions on the role I should play. I'm trying not to pick sides. I'm trying to be there. The grandsons, they're involved in sports, the kids are involved in a lot of activities, so I try to help out that way. I'm very not so happy with my daughter-in-law, frustrated with my son. I got a text message from you guys and I was just sitting down to eat lunch and I'm like, "You know what? Instead of taking my lunch, I'll just make this phone call and see if I can just call and share my story."
Becky Brown: I love it, Steve. My one question would be, what role have you played up until this point? Up until the time of the crisis, what was your regular connection with your son and daughter-in-law?
Steve: With my son and daughter-in-law, I talk to my son a couple times every day. The boys—the 18-year-old, she works, she drives, so she's here and there, she's not around a whole lot. But we talk and text every once in a while. My relationship is I try to be the voice of positivity with all the negativity that's going on. I pick up the boys, take them to their sports practices—
Becky Brown: So you're coming alongside in a practical way, Steve, is what you're saying, and that is so important. The challenge is that you're grieving because of the choices that are happening in your son's life. I'm going to let Jackie have the last word on this one, but I would suggest you could offer to send them to Intimacy and Marriage. I know that's a dramatic request, but it may be the very thing that they need to have time away where they can say, "Okay, what's happening here and what do we want to do for our future?"
Dr. Jackie McHarris: That was going to be my recommendation. I've served at Intimacy and Marriage and I have had clients that have attended Intimacy and Marriage. In my serving, I've sat with couples that were at the door of divorce, and same with my client. Attorneys already called and Intimacy and Marriage that weekend intensive saved them. They learned things in experience things in that weekend that they had not been able to. The group process of being with other couples that are going through hard things has changed people's perspectives, helped them to see and maybe understand a little bit better what their partner was saying and where they were coming from, and gave them maybe more voice to share what they were feeling or holding in because they didn't really know. Emotional avoiders, we think we got it right; we're doing it right by not getting all emotional and talking about all of our feelings. Well, that leaves your partner very alone because they can't get into your head. Being in a group where others are able to share and talk about their experience really is helpful. So if you could help support them in coming to Intimacy and Marriage and recommending that for them, that would be my big suggestion. The other thing is go on the website and get "How We Love." Even if they do divorce, wherever they go, there they are. So both of them reading a copy of "How We Love," working through the workbook, could help them. If they're willing to do it before they get a divorce, it could help change the way they communicate in their marriage, teach them how to use the comfort circle.
Becky Brown: It's never too late to do a dramatic thing like that. To just say, "Listen, before you call it quits, let's do some surgery." I agree with you, Jackie. Of course, I know I'm partial, but I have seen miracles happen where couples who could not have a kind conversation actually be able to have a discussion where they understand each other and they can make a plan moving forward. Doesn't make everything perfect, but what happens in so many couples is they get into a standoff and they can't have a conversation, and we teach couples how to do that. For the sake of their family, I would make the big risk and offer that to them.
Brian Perez: Steve, thanks so much for calling in today. You can find out more about Intimacy and Marriage on our website, NewLife.com, or we'll just connect you right now. 1-800-NEW-LIFE is another way you can find out about this Intimacy and Marriage intensive. It begins on Friday the 25th, a week from this week. You could send your son and his wife to Intimacy and Marriage, and then you can watch the grandkids for that weekend. That'd be a great way to bond with them during this time that they're going through. That's all the time we have on this hour of the show. Don't forget about our "From Addiction to Freedom" webinar. It's happening tomorrow. Not too late to sign up. Text the word WEBINAR to 28950 to find out more about it and keep those calls a-coming: 1-800-229-3000.
Narrator: Thanks so much for listening. We hope something you heard will help you live in freedom today. If this content was helpful for you, we would love it if you would take a minute, leave a review, post about it, and rate it. Remember, we have resources and workshops online for you as you continue your journey. Go to NewLife.com to find out more information. And thank you for being part of the New Life community. We know that God desires all of us to live a life of wholeness and healing, and we're so glad that you're here.